Low. Then Light. Then Life!

It's for real. This stuff you hear about the Winter Blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) is all true.

I've known this for years - subconsciously I think - but I've known it. How? Because I experience it every year. Every winter I feel like I go into a sort of... hibernation and my light ALMOST goes out. When Spring finally rolls around I feel like I come to life again. This year, it has really taken its toll on me and I hit rock bottom - without even realizing what was going on. Things that normally would have been small seemed like mountains. I felt hopeless, like I was in a downward spiral, and there would be no getting out. All I wanted to do was go home and go to bed after work. I cried every day (not that that is ALL that unusual for me -- to which those who know me best will testify). My point is, I didn't feel like my normal happy, positive, take-on-the-world self. On top of that, it was CHRISTMAS when we're all supposed to be happy. Yah - I went through the motions. I did my shopping and put up my tree. I wrapped gifts and delivered treats to my neighbors. But I was not happy. Every day I would drive to work (in the dark), sit in my office (without a window and real sunlight), then drive home (again, in the dark).

Thankfully, I have a great friend who suggested I try light therapy. You can read all about this on the Internet. I found several varieties of lights online, and was lucky enough to purchase a brand new top-of-the-line light from someone on KSL.com. This lady's husband has been using one for several years, and swears by it. She said they both realize when winter rolls around that he begins to drag and isn't himself, so they get out his light and he starts using it. She had one exactly like the one he was using, but it had been unopened -- still brand new, in the box for quite a bit less than retail. I did some research online about that light, and bought it that very day (December 23, to be exact) and it has made a world of difference. I crave that time in the mornings when I am near my light (believe it or not, it's called a "Happy Light"). It simulates actual sunlight. It just feels good to be around.

I am starting to come around and feel a little bit more like myself day by day. I feel like I HAVE feeling again. I'm no longer numb. I am so grateful to understand this about myself, and to have something I can DO about it. For this reason, I have exploited this not-so-comfortable fact about myself. In hopes that maybe it will help someone out there in cyber blog world who might be experiencing the same thing. When I read through the symptoms it was as if I had written them myself...

Do You Have the Winter Blues?
If you experience two or more of these symptoms each year in the fall and into the spring you may suffer from the winter blues:

Increased feelings of lethargy
Difficulty waking up in the mornings as the days get shorter
Difficulty concentrating and thinking creatively in comparison to the summer months
Incorrectly blaming oneself for things that go wrong
Difficulty performing tasks that normally seem to be easy/enjoyable

If you think this sounds like depression, you are right. SAD is a form of depression, but it is caused by the reduction of daylight during the winter months. And even if you are inside in artificial light most of the day, you can still suffer from a lack of daylight. Mental health professionals diagnose a person as having SAD if they have these symptoms for two consecutive winters, and do not have the symptoms in the spring and summer.

So - I am going to try to continue to do the things that will help me feel better. I can't wait to be able to get out and walk again in the mornings. That is healing time for me, inside and out. And now, maybe I have more of an understanding why. I need light. Plain and simple. This also explains why I love San Diego so much.

To all of you who have wondered where "their Kathy" went... I'm coming back. Thank you for putting up with me.