Faith or Fear?

Sometimes this whole "faith" business is really REALLY hard. Especially when everything mortal about you screams what a fool you are. But my faith is stronger than my fear. Some days, only by a sliver. But nonetheless, it is stronger. This is my reminder to myself to follow faith. To trust in my Heavenly Father no matter what. To know that someday these difficult passages of time will all seem like a blur, and I will be at peace knowing I did the very best I could. Knowing and trusting that Heavenly Father knows my weaknesses as well as my strengths because He created me. And He loves me. And he wants me to be happy. One of my favorite quotes from the General Conference that just passed was, "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." I believe it was President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who said it. But it made an impact.

Are You a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

Today is Halloween. I didn't have the mental capacity to come up with a glamorous costume this year, but I have had a cute little witch's hat stored away in my garage that I bought on clearance after Halloween last year, so that ended up being my go-to "costume." It has been fun to have it at work. A costume without the costume. :)

Here is my pumpkin - this was my first attempt at a drilled-hole pumpkin. You actually drill holes with your power drill. It was quite fun, actually. I had no pattern and intended to just do some scrolly work, but ended up doing an "S" for Shanks with scrolly work on the sides. Hey, whatever works.

Fridays

Today is a Thursday.

So why did I name this Post "Fridays?" Because I just read the following quote from Joseph B. Wirthlin:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.”

I try to post about positive things most of the time, but now and then I feel like 'REAL LIFE' is okay to throw in. This is - after all - a type of personal history. So here goes...

Being single and on my own for nearly ten years now, I have done really well for the most part. But the last little while has been really hard. I feel lonely. I feel undesirable and overweight. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I feel like my life revolves around my son (I would never trade that for the world) and my job, and Kathy is getting lost in there somewhere with an empty tank. To sum it up: I feel like I'm having a few "Fridays." And on top of that, I feel old. I just browsed an LDS Singles site and realized I'm at the HIGH end of the "mid-singles" age range (31-45). Next month I'll be turning 44.

When I was first divorced I thought for sure I'd find someone within a decent period of time, and remarry and live happily ever after. I'm not naive enough to think that being married guarantees "happily ever afters," but there are sure times when having someone to share life with seems pretty darned awesome. There are so many of "us" out there. Soooooo many! More than you would ever imagine if you've never delved into this singles world. I had no idea when I was married. It is literally a whole other world. People who have tossed, and people who have been tossed. For myriads of different reasons.

I've met a TON of other singles. I've dated a bunch. I've also had my quiet times when I've put that whole dating life on the back burner. There are pros and cons to both situations, as with almost everything in life.

But today - on this Thursday - being alone feels like a Friday to me.

Regardless, I am STILL thankful for everything my Heavenly Father has blessed me with. I love my son with all my heart, and pray for him many times each day. Out loud and in my heart. Sure, he can drive me crazy. He's a teenager. That's his job. And he's an overachiever. :) I have a safe, comfortable home. Good friends. Great ward. Food to eat. Books to read. Music to sing and listen to.

I have the Gospel and a loving Heavenly Father who wants me to be happy, and who wants to bless me -- I will keep living worthily so that I may one day enjoy the fullness of all He has in store for me.

I have a Savior who knows exactly how I am feeling because He has suffered those pains for me that through the Atonemenent I may be comforted and made whole. Not just for my sins, but for my sorrows and weaknesses. I love Him and He knows that.

I'm supposed to end my post with a positive note. But maybe - just for today - I'm just going to leave it here.

And it will be okay.

Swiss Days

This weekend I took advantage of a small window of opportunity to get away and see some different scenery. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I went to the Soldier Hollow Classic. I also went to Swiss Days. This is an annual tradition - also held up in Midway, UT - where vendors host booths, there is food galore, and music by live bands and performers.

One of the booths had some great inspirational quotes. I couldn't afford to buy them, but I snapped some photos of some of my favorites. I can always design some of my own, right?

 

"I won't flirt with the darkness that

I came here to fight.

I am a

DAUGHTER OF GOD.

And I am holding on to VIRTUE.

I am confident in my DIVINITY.

You will find me on my Father's side,

no matter what the world may do."

 

 

 

"Promise me you'll always remember,

you are braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think!"

 

 

"No one else can know

the strength of my LOVE for you.

After all... you know what

 my heart sounds like from the inside."

 

"Pray hardest

when it's the hardest to pray."

 

 

"She stood in the STORM.

When the wind did not

BLOW HER WAY,

she adjusted her sails."

Soldier Hollow Classic

Each Labor Day weekend Midway, UT (near Heber) hosts the Soldier Hollow Classic - a national sheepdog competition. Trainers and their sheepdogs come from all over the world to compete. The handler (trainer) stands at the base of the mountainside and - through whistle commands - send their sheepdog up the side of the hill to wrangle six sheep down the mountain in a group, through gates, into a shedding ring, and finally into a pen in 12 minutes.

Here is one of the competitors we saw.

 

This goes from Friday through Monday with the top 15 dogs competing on Labor Day (Monday) for the National Championship. It's really interesting to watch. BUT it's very hot, so thankfully they have other events and booths to enjoy as well...

My favorite part of going is the Splash Dogs! These dogs run off a dock and jump forward with all their might to catch a toy their owner throws into this big long pool. Anybody can bring their dog to compete. They have different heats all throughout the weekend with different sizes/classes of dogs. Many of the dogs yesterday were brand new to it, and had never done it before. They were so cute. They'd run to the edge of the dock and stop dead in their tracks. Usually they would eventually jump in right at the edge, retrieve their toy, and walk out on the ramp. Each time they get a little less timid, and eventually they will be confident enough to GO FOR IT. It is SO much fun to watch. Here is a pic of one of our favorite dogs. He had some serious vertical height in his jumps. I think he typically went about 18 feet! The dogs love this. They come out of the pool and run right back onto the dock with their tails wagging like crazy as if to say, "Again! Again!"

Happy Birthday Mom & Sterling!

Mom and Sterling ALMOST share the same birthday. They are only one day apart - other than that, they are the same exact age. Sterling's birthday is August 13th and Mom's is August 14th. They just turned 84 years young. Leslie and I wanted to do something for them to let them know they're important to us - something more than just a phone call. We ran to the store and bought some little angel food cakes, whipped cream, strawberries, glaze, and candles. Then we showed up at their place and surprised them. It was fun to see the smiles on their faces when we presented their "birthday cakes" to them with candles blazing. :)

Gayle had given them their birthday hats - so they had to wear those of course. They enjoyed the little treats and birthday hugs. I'm so glad we took the time to go see them in person! Love you Mom and Sterling!

More Scrapbook Pages...

And another scrapbook I wanted to add to my blog:

You Are My Sunshine

I was hesitant to do this next post because it's going to contain lots of photos, but I realized this is my blog and this is where I post what's important to me. I have had the desire to scan Rylan's old scrapbook pages and post them to my blog so they are someplace electronically... so that is what this blog is all about. 

These photos represent the first four or five years of Rylan's life - and that is super important to me. And I want it documented someplace besides in his actual scrapbook (which I did, by the way, before scrapbooking was cool - and before there were all the cute scrapbook background papers and awesome tools...).

The title of this post is "You Are My Sunshine," because that is Rylan's song. That is what I always used to sing to him as a baby and little boy. Then he learned it. I would sing, You are my... and he would sing "Shuhshine" with a great big smile on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whew! That was quite a project, but I feel so great having it all done!