Fridays

Today is a Thursday.

So why did I name this Post "Fridays?" Because I just read the following quote from Joseph B. Wirthlin:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.”

I try to post about positive things most of the time, but now and then I feel like 'REAL LIFE' is okay to throw in. This is - after all - a type of personal history. So here goes...

Being single and on my own for nearly ten years now, I have done really well for the most part. But the last little while has been really hard. I feel lonely. I feel undesirable and overweight. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I feel like my life revolves around my son (I would never trade that for the world) and my job, and Kathy is getting lost in there somewhere with an empty tank. To sum it up: I feel like I'm having a few "Fridays." And on top of that, I feel old. I just browsed an LDS Singles site and realized I'm at the HIGH end of the "mid-singles" age range (31-45). Next month I'll be turning 44.

When I was first divorced I thought for sure I'd find someone within a decent period of time, and remarry and live happily ever after. I'm not naive enough to think that being married guarantees "happily ever afters," but there are sure times when having someone to share life with seems pretty darned awesome. There are so many of "us" out there. Soooooo many! More than you would ever imagine if you've never delved into this singles world. I had no idea when I was married. It is literally a whole other world. People who have tossed, and people who have been tossed. For myriads of different reasons.

I've met a TON of other singles. I've dated a bunch. I've also had my quiet times when I've put that whole dating life on the back burner. There are pros and cons to both situations, as with almost everything in life.

But today - on this Thursday - being alone feels like a Friday to me.

Regardless, I am STILL thankful for everything my Heavenly Father has blessed me with. I love my son with all my heart, and pray for him many times each day. Out loud and in my heart. Sure, he can drive me crazy. He's a teenager. That's his job. And he's an overachiever. :) I have a safe, comfortable home. Good friends. Great ward. Food to eat. Books to read. Music to sing and listen to.

I have the Gospel and a loving Heavenly Father who wants me to be happy, and who wants to bless me -- I will keep living worthily so that I may one day enjoy the fullness of all He has in store for me.

I have a Savior who knows exactly how I am feeling because He has suffered those pains for me that through the Atonemenent I may be comforted and made whole. Not just for my sins, but for my sorrows and weaknesses. I love Him and He knows that.

I'm supposed to end my post with a positive note. But maybe - just for today - I'm just going to leave it here.

And it will be okay.