"Love N Blessings," Papa Sterling

On Friday, October 24, 2014 heaven gained one of its finest angels. My Papa Sterling returned home to his Heavenly Father after living one of the BIGGEST lives ever lived.

My brother Keith and I were given the opportunity to share a few thoughts and memories at his funeral. It was an honor to do so because I loved him like a father.

Here is my talk:

Kathy’s Talk – Sterling’s Funeral (October 28, 2014)

Good Afternoon Brothers and Sisters,

My name is Kathy Folkersen Gotchy and I am Mardene’s youngest child. It is my privilege to be able to share a few thoughts and memories with you today about our Papa and Grandpa Sterling. I’m grateful to Sterling and his family for allowing me this opportunity. 

Sterling was a blessing in our lives from the very beginning. Many of you may not know that my mom and Sterling grew up a few houses apart from each other in Salt Lake City. They were each other’s first dates when they were 15 years. In 1998, my mother’s sister, Deaunn Moulton Weed passed away. As Sterling was reading through obituaries, he recognized her name and maiden name, and looked down to see my mom’s name and married name. Then, when my father passed away in May of 1999, Sterling recognized his name and made the decision to come to his viewing not only to see my mom, but he and Beverly had also been next door neighbors to my dad’s brother, my Uncle Dick. Keep in mind, he and my mom hadn’t seen each other for 53 years. I was standing next to my mom at the viewing when Sterling came through the line. I remember a very tall man with the presence of a general authority and a booming voice shaking my mom’s hand and saying, “You probably don’t remember me, do you?” She looked up into his smiling eyes and replied, “I do remember you. You gave me a box of gum once.”

After that he frequently sent her notes on the stationery of the hotel in whatever country he was visiting – he was a world traveler and enjoyed that so much. He told her he was there if she ever needed to talk as he had lost his beloved Beverly one year prior and understood what she might be going through. They soon began attending scripture study classes together, going out to dinner, and rekindling their friendship from years ago. They laughed and talked and reminisced, and laughed some more. My mom was a bit giddy and didn’t quite know what to think of this gentleman who was courting her. One Sunday afternoon my mom called each of us six children individually to ask if it was okay for her to take a ride with Sterling to see the fall leaves in the canyons. All of us loved Sterling from day one and saw that he made my mom laugh. We all gave our approval for the drive, and it wasn’t long after that they were married for time in the Jordan River Temple. One of the things I have admired most about both of them is that they have always been supportive and respectful of each other’s eternal companions – and have realized this relationship they shared was an added bonus to two already wonderful marriages.

Back then Sterling had quite a healthy appetite. The first time I met him, we went to Pizza Hut and he pretty much enjoyed a whole pizza all by himself – with vigor and making no excuses whatsoever! He always had to have his Tobasco sauce and Diet Pepsi close at hand, and let me tell you, if Pepsi wasn’t available, there was no point in drinking anything. But this man did NOT like sour cream. I guess we can allow him a FEW faults. ;)  We shared a love of some of the finer things in life, such as fresh ground pepper from his very tall pepper mill. Sometimes when I would visit, Sterling and I would play the piano together. I would ask him to play the bottom hand of a hymn, and I would attempt – usually quite poorly – to play the top hand. He was patient and always added his own flair – rescuing the tune from sounding like a complete mess.

Sterling was a bit of a prankster, often looking for the perfect opportunity to put ice down my mom’s back. I’ll never forget his Cheshire cat grin when he was being mischievous. We all know what I’m talking about, right grandkids?

Sterling was a “Papa” in the truest sense of the word. He offered wise fatherly and grandfatherly advice and counsel whenever we asked; and sometimes when we didn’t. He gave us Priesthood blessings and father’s blessings without hesitation. He was always quick to give us one of his great big bear hugs and kisses, and he would always look us square in the eye and tell us he loved us.

When I asked a few of our children their thoughts about Grandpa Sterling, these are some of their responses:

He gives really good spiritual advice. He’s wise, and he loves everyone; he’s really close to God.

He always wrote to me on my mission, gave encouraging advice, understood what I was going through, and didn’t judge.

I remember the silly things he would say.

Grandpa Sterling was a great man to say the least. Just the way he loved everyone for who they were and always gave them the time of day. He would always make you feel loved and always put others before himself. He was SO talented.

Several years back my siblings and I chose a day of the week to each check in on our mom to make sure she was okay. My day was Wednesday. Every Wednesday morning I would send a “Wednesday Check-In” email to both my mom and Sterling and ask how they were. It has become a tradition that I have grown to love. It kept us connected and gave us an opportunity to let each other know what was going on in our lives. Papa Sterling would always answer with an upbeat reply such as, “Your dear mother and I are vertical and ventilating.” He would often share a scriptural reference or a quote from a General Authority or conference talk, and he would always end by saying Love N Blessings or something like that before closing with “Papa S” or more recently, “The Resident Dinosaur.”

Sterling served the Lord with fervor. He attended the temple weekly, and served in his callings with great devotion. He would sit in his office every day, beginning very early in the morning and study his scriptures or write in his journal or prepare a lesson… for many hours, with a few games of “Hearts” on the computer thrown into the mix.

Gayle asked me specifically to share with you a special experience I recently had with Papa Sterling. But first, a little background. A few years ago my mom taught me how to make hand-embroidered temple aprons. For those of you who may not be familiar with these, they are a special and sacred item of clothing worn in the temple. My Grandmother Moulton made over 160 of these aprons – one for each of her eleven children, each of their spouses, and their children, as well as many more that she donated to her Relief Society and the McDougal Funeral Home. My mother learned from her, and has since made 37 aprons for grandchildren and others, and I have made three or four. I had been working on my most recent apron for quite a long time – since before the end of last year. Along the way people would ask me who it was for, and I would reply “I don’t know. I usually don’t know until I finish them.” A few weeks ago as I was literally putting the last stitch into this most recent apron, the Spirit whispered to me that this apron was supposed to be for Sterling. It was such a great feeling, I didn’t want it to pass, and I immediately knew that was what I wanted to do with it. Over the next few days as I was putting the finishing touches on it I was excited, but a little apprehensive, as to how and when to present this apron to him. I wanted him to know and understand what I was doing when I gave it to him. 

On Thursday, October 16^th, when I went to visit him (hard to believe it wasn’t even two weeks ago), I wrapped it up, wrote a personal note, and took it down to give to him. When he opened it he held it up, admired it, and asked where it came from. I told him I had made it, and I wanted him to have it. He didn’t speak for a few seconds – he just held it and looked at it. In the card I wrote that it had been a great source of comfort for me when I felt anxiety and that it had helped me through difficult times – just like he had. That it had been a blessing in my life – just like he had. And that I prayed he would see it as a symbol of my eternal love and respect for him. Sterling always called me “ddk” for Darling Daughter Kathy, so I embroidered a very small “ddk” and a heart inside the leaf in the top corner where it would be closest to his heart. Eventually he was able to say, “Oh beautiful. Exquisite I would call it.” He kept the card on the little table beside his chair in a “special place.” It is the apron he is wearing now. It was such a privilege to be able to give that small gift of love to him, and I am so thankful I listened and acted upon that prompting – it turned out to be more of a gift for me than for him.

The Folkersen family has been so blessed by our association with Sterling and his wonderful family, so speaking on behalf of all of us, we thank you, Gayle and Bruce and your families, for allowing us to share with you the past 14 years with this wonderful man. In closing I’d like to share a few words from Sterling which he sent to the Folkersen kids in a recent email:

    I Thank You each again for your love, my relationship with you, and the many, many, many, many, many kindnesses you have shown to me over the some 14 years you that have “allowed” me to be with your mother!  When she first asked you if you thought it was OK if she went for a ride with me in Oct 1999, I wonder what would have happened if you had said “No.”  Thankfully I deluded you then and have continued to do so _ _

     I have had some difficulty keeping her under control but then you know “the rest of the story”.  We have had such fun:  during our world travels, temple attendance, Etc.  And, most importantly, just daily living.  She (and you) have contributed so much to my life.  You have been ever forgiving of and willing to put up with my idiosyncrasies and eccentricities!  As I have said on other occasions, the Folkersens and the Provosts will be ‘one happy family’ throughout the eternities.

    ‘Tis enuf for now.  May our Father in Heaven bless each of us as we all strive to do that which he requires of us [D&C 82:3].  I add to this my love for you, “...this day and always.”

    My deep and sincere Love, my Blessings and great Gratitude for who you are and what you are!!

Love N Blessings

Papa S

We love you Papa Sterling and will never forget the things you taught us and the love you showed us. We miss you. May you continue to guide us and inspire us throughout our lives—and for generations to come—until we are able to be with you again is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. 

Here are a few of the photos...

Viewing - Folkersen

Viewing - Higgins

Temple Apron "ddk"

My Card to Papa Sterling with His Temple Apron

My Family (Rylan is on the back row next to Dan)

Mom by the Casket

Utah Highway Patrol - In Line for Casket

Military Salute

Pall Bearers Placing Casket

Military Honors

21-Gun Salute

Folding the Flag

Bagpipe Player as He Walked Away... Still Playing Amazing Grace

Mom and Her Two Escorts (Roger-left; Rylan-right)