Life Is NOT Like A Box of Chocolates...

It's More Like A Roller Coaster!

So a while back Rylan dropped the bomb on me that he was thinking he'd like to move to Missouri to live with his dad. Although I felt like the Lord had been preparing me for some sort of "upheaval" in my life, this was the farthest thing from my mind. Of course the thought had crossed my mind, but I didn't think it was going to happen. And not now. (Any time was too soon.)

Over the last couple of months Rylan has been trying to make this huge life-changing decision. He really WANTED to move, but never felt like he got an answer. He had a trip to Missouri planned to visit Grandpa and to surprise his dad while he was there. That was only going to be 2 1/2 weeks. Well, while he was there, he made the decision that he is going to move there (as in MOVE there; as in go to school there; as in NOT be here with me). He was going to come home from his "visit" on the regular flight, but then only be here long enough to spend some time with his friends here and gather the things he wants, and he is flying back to Missouri on July 30th. That's only about a month away.

My heart is breaking. I am trying very hard to be brave, and to have faith that everything will work out. But I am so worried for my son. I love him more than anything on this earth. He is my world. I just want him to be happy, and I know that living a certain way will bring about that happiness. When I picked him up at the airport a few days ago it was SO good to see him and even better to be able to HUG him! He had a smile on his face, and said, "Hi Mom!" That made my day. He is on a trip to St. George now with the priests in the ward (boating, etc.) and then he comes home.

That's when my stopwatch will start ticking.

I'm already dreading the day I take him to the airport to leave. Good grief! I cried hard enough just taking him for his visit. This time I won't know when I will see him again. This time I will feel empty-handed and helpless as to his day-to-day life.

I constantly pray HARD that Heavenly Father will keep a watchful eye over him, and guide his path, and help him to be happy and to feel loved and to give love. I miss him already.